Stupidity at Rock Concerts

June 15, 2009 by Keli.

I enjoy concerts. I really do. Except when I sit next to a stuper (short, once again, for a disastrously stupid person). When this happens, I find my enjoyment trickling away like the beads on a broken strand of pearls around the neck of a heavy, yet quite active, sleeper.

My last concert was at the Hollywood Bowl. I sat next to a stuper whose posterior appeared to equal the size of Lake Huron, the second largest of the Great Lakes. Every time he stood up to…shall we call it dance?…to the music, I found myself in a sort of a pillow fight except instead of pillows, there was a fat bottom swaying to and fro next to me, using my left side as a bouncing board. Ironic because the group I was watching was singing Queens’ Fat-bottom girls.

I was more entertained by my bench mate than by the well known group on stage. I say “entertained” because I’m feeling kindly at the moment. Generous even. If not for my current mood, I’d say I was repulsed by this idiot’s uneven, crazed hippopotamus-like movements without thought to adjacent revelers who were still sober and trying desperately to enjoy the concert. I don’t like being jabbed in the ribs by strangers’ behinds, however cushiony these behinds may be.

I tapped him on the shoulder and asked that he stay on his side, drawing a line with a black Sharpie across the bench for emphasis. Silly me. He grinned broadly and proceeded to lift his bottom up and down in time to the music, forcing all on the same flimsy bench to momentarily levitate an inch or so each time he crash landed.

Fortunately for me, I carry a handbag, as some of my readers may recall, the size of Lake Superior, the largest of the Great Lakes. I planted said handbag which was stuffed with snacks, blankets, jackets and 1.5 liter size water bottles for my party of four, between me and Mr. Hippo. When Mr. Hippo realized he no longer had room to land, he moved away. In fact, he and his entire family of five hippos moved away to a nearby empty bench. Peace was restored and I enjoyed the concert.

I love large handbags. My secret weapon.

Think first. It may be too late to think later.

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

Posted in Plain Old Fashioned Stupidity | 5 Comments »