Stupidity Means Not Returning Phone Calls

February 2, 2009 by Keli.

While rocket scientists ponder space and time travel, this stupidity specialist ponders yet another terrifyingly common character trait of the stuper (short, yet again, for a revoltingly stupid person). Namely, the woeful inability to return phone calls.

This is particularly aggravating when the idiot-in-question is the high school principal who assured me that she will definitely return my call the first thing the following morning, and I naively believed her because I had no reason not to and patiently waited to hear from the misbegotten, mindless, counterfeit being. Two weeks passed. I called her and left a message. No freaking return call…again.

There are always a few, random adequate excuses for not calling back. For example, the telephone transgressor may be a sought-after celebrity or United States President. Perhaps the dimwit is suffering from some ailment, say amnesia, that occurred after promising to call back.

If she is bound and gagged for any length of time, therein lies another valid reason not to make the call. A blow on the head is a good one too, as is a coma.

Otherwise, inability to pick up a telephone and dial your number, say within a liberal period of 72 hours from the original call, constitutes Class AAA+++…+   stupidity.  Forgetfulness by the stuper is not an option especially when the call is of a formal nature.  Action is required under such odious circumstances.

How to manage such flagrant violations by stupers of the Code of Human Decency? There are several choices:

1.  Do nothing. This works if you really don’t give a damn whether you receive a call back, or if you feel the stress from the call would overcome any potential benefits;

2. Pick up the phone and call the hollow head. If she provides no valid excuse, feel free to yell, curse, shriek at glass shattering decibels or just restate the original reason for the call and demand an immediate answer;

3. Create an effigy of the person and proceed to apply needles in appropriate, highly sensitive places (one of my personal favorites); or

4. Write a detailed letter.

I took the latter course of action. I’ve read that writing letters to alleviate frustration, rage, turmoil or any other unpleasant emotion is quite helpful. Some experts state it’s best to rip said letter to shreds afterward, or send it, depending on the situation. I wrote my letter; two fun, fact-filled, action-packed pages, and gleefully mailed it. It felt liberatingly wonderful! So wonderful that I sent copies to the school stuperintendent as well as each member of the school board.

Why didn’t the idiot principal think of returning my telephone call? Because day by day, fewer and fewer people are thinking at all. Period. I’ve noticed that this gross neglect has made many members of our society forget how to think. Do you know what this means? That those of us who can think and do, will eventually rule the world.

Think first, last and always.

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

Posted in Plain Old Fashioned Stupidity | 9 Comments »