Stupidity, Recycling and the Giving of Impromptu Lectures

January 6, 2009 by Keli.

You may be strolling toward your car in a parking lot and suddenly get one of these from a passerby. Or perhaps you’re sitting in a movie theater, patiently awaiting the start of the film while munching on a bucket of buttery popcorn, and you’ll be subjected to this by another moviegoer. I refer to lectures. The unplanned, uncivilized kind. Not the ones given in museums, universities, bookstores or the type engaged in by doting parents and friends, but the variety offered up by stupers (short for avowedly stupid persons). They give lectures when lectures are totally unnecessary.

I innocently stood in line at the grocery store. Beads of perspiration began to form on my forehead. Not because the winter temperature soared. I wasn’t in the middle of panting from jumping jacks or rigorous sit-ups, but I did overhear this heated exchange between the cashier and a customer:

Cashier (sweetly): Where are your reusable shopping bags?

Customer: Oh, I left them at home today.

Cashier freezes mid scanner: You WHAT? Don’t you know how many trees you’ll be singlehandedly murdering?

And so continued a lengthy, finger pointing argument between the two. The customer, at first, took the pontificating cashier for a joker. But she soon proved otherwise as her pulpit emerged beneath her sneakered feet.

I believe in recycling. I do. I bring reusable bags whenever shopping, but alas, on this occasion, I was returning home from a short trip and left mine at home. Hence, the glistening beads of sweat and the missing halo over my head. I felt like a felony suspect sitting beneath a 10,000 watt, naked light bulb, soon to be interrogated by ominous figures sporting crew cuts and bulging, bloodshot eyes.

Customer #1 stormed out and Cashier continued the pointed line of questioning with Customer #2 who’d also egregiously neglected to bring his bags. This conversation heated up faster than microwave popcorn:

Customer #2 (angrily): Does the store know you’re harassing shoppers?

Cashier: Do YOU know you have a serious problem? You have a responsibility…

I was harboring genuine concerns about moving forward. I know. My dear readers are asking, “Why didn’t Keli go to a different line hosted by a peace-loving, Buddhist monk style cashier (this is a health food market) instead of one manned by a tree activist, so bent on pushing her agenda, she was about to split in two asymmetrical pieces?” I was determined to stay the course. I am not one to easily give up on stupidity. Besides, the other lines were longer.

When my turn came, I didn’t allow her to speak. I did all of the talking.

Me: I’m so sorry I forgot my bags today. I really do regret it. I’m returning home from a trip, and it’s just not the same being in here without them. I had such a nice time…

Cashier: No problem..

Me: When I get home, I’ll keep a large stash in my car, not only for myself, but perhaps, for other forgetful shoppers…

She nodded in wholehearted agreement.

Of course, by the time I reached the poor, misguided woman, she was exhausted by the three disgruntled customers before me. My timing was quite good.

The cashier suffered from the misguided sense of superiority only a stuper could have. Her grievance was not necessarily illegitimate. But she lacked the knowledge that such dialogue should be saved for a public forum.

Stay aware so you can stay on top of stupidity.

Thinking is an asset.

Keli

Keli@counterfeithumans.com

~ As far as I’m concerned, I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue ~ Albert Einstein

Posted in Plain Old Fashioned Stupidity | 8 Comments »