When Stupidity Wears a Stethoscope

March 4, 2008 by Keli.

The ideal doctor-patient relationship is one in which the two enthusiastically partner together to successfully solve the patient’s health issue(s). And everyone lives happily ever after.

However, this may not be the case if a stuper (short yet again, for an unfalteringly stupid person) is involved. This occurs when there is a physician whose ego is so enormous, the patient can barely squeeze into the room with him.

I’m certain there are cases where the patient can be troublesome, but based on my personal experience, I’ve found that most often, it’s the lack of an open mind (one of the character flaws of stupidity) on the doctor’s part that contributes to stupidity.

A few years ago, Sam, became ill with a serious bacterial infection. He went from doctor to doctor, searching for a cause and a cure. He ended up seeing a total of ten physicians before making progress. Doctors #1-9 were idiots.

The first doctor passed him onto a specialist, Dr. B. After examining Sam, Dr. B prescribed a medication. Sam did some research. He learned that certain food allergies could have contributed to his infection.

“Should I keep a food diary or stay away from certain foods?” Sam asked. “Would that help me?”

“You can eat whatever you want,” Dr. B assured him.

Sam’s condition worsened, and the medication gave him a severe reaction and pain. Dr. B cut down the dosage, but Sam saw little improvement.

To make this long story short, Sam became a nomadic patient, traveling from physician to physician; his health only became worse.

“I kept thinking there was something in my diet that caused my illness,” Sam recalled. “I mentioned this to Doctor #7 who was a renowned specialist at UCLA. He too told me it was not food related. When I continued to ask him questions about foods, I really rattled his chain. Literally. He wore a heavy gold chain around his neck, and every time he got nervous, he’d grab hold of it and start shaking the thing. Anyway, he had me take numerous tests to find out what I was suffering from. In the end, he said he believed it was a bacterial infection. Sheer genius.

“I told Doctor #8 that the medication was making me worse. He told me he’d seen hundreds of patients every week for years, and not one had any type of reaction that remotely resembled mine. He sent me to a specialist. This specialist wanted to operate. She said it was my only hope. The thought of going under the knife made my knees buckle! I decided to try going off the drug, and told the specialist what I was doing. She thought I was crazy, but said I could try it for one month, and then she’d operate.”

“As soon as I went off the medication, the severe pain and the side effects vanished. But I still had numerous other problems from the infection.”

It wasn’t until Doctor #10 that Sam made real progress.

“This physician told me about a diet that helped some of his patients. I went on the diet. My bacterial infection soon disappeared. It had been that simple.”

The average doctor spends no more than twenty minutes per patient. Why don’t more physicians allocate more time for analysis and understanding? Yes, dear readers, it’s stupidity’s wicked cousin, greed, steadfastly at work.

I hope the noble members of the medical field realize that I’m not pointing my finger at them, but at the practitioners who entered the field with good intentions, but who either never found their calling or lost it along the way. Intelligent physicians do not regard patients collectively, as a whole, but as individuals, each with his own unique reactions and needs. There are excellent doctors out there; finding them is the key to obtaining a happy relationship.

How to tell if a doctor is a stuper:

1. Wears too much jewelry (flaunting the way they spend fees is improper);
2. Unwilling to listen;
3. Closed minded;
4. Speaks in medical mumbo jumbo; and
5. Places ink on the feet of a pigeon to stamp prescription forms, ensuring that only an expert can decipher his mysterious medical code.

Thinking is a choice.

Keli

Keli@Counterfeithumans.com

Posted in Professional Stupidity | 9 Comments »